i would punch a child for taco bell
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize