everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
