You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
