Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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