remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
