They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
