no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have aggressive nipples.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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