Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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