I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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