Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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