Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
