when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
