theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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