i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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