Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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