So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
