i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
