Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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