Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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