Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize