Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
and you fell through a lawn chair
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
