Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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