i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
