I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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