i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
