You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
