Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i think i just lost a toe
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize