You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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