This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The feeling are messing with the penis
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
