it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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