hotel room ftw
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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