I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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