In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
