then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
