census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
