I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize