jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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