Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
