i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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