Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
