Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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