i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
