As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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