i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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