i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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