Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
