I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize