Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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