Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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