So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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