Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize