Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
