Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You did what with his pubic hair?
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