Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
