While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
