Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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