I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So much rum. So many feels.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
