I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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