i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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