i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
