what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize