Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
