did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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