You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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