at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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