would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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