today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The power of my boobs compel you
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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