i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize