I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
