I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
