i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
