You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
