Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
