you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
