we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
