Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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