cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
