i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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