okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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