Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Randomize
