omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
