I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
