She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
