Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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