I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
