He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
