i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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