so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
