I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize