I wish I could punch you in the face.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
