I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
