everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
