two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
