you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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