We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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