I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
