At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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