Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
