Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
